Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
