Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
