Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
