This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize