Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
