So drunk its hurt
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
