what day is it and did you see me today?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
