k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
