My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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