Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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