A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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