I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
