You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
