brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
