I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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