My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
