Already got asked if we're dating
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
