the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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