There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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