I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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