Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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