Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
