No stitches, just platelets and will power
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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