I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
