You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
