i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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