I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
