**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
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