Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize