If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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