jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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