I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
