I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
