Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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