I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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