I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
