508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Too much gin, very little bucket
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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