you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
