btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
