the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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