when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
