can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
