He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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