tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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