I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
