i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
