she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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