I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
