i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
