capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
