I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
