wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
