you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
