and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
His hands were made for my vagina.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
