OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
