jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
