dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize