South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
