Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
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