I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
