definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Found the puke drawer
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
