my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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