the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
