I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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