Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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