Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
