apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
