She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
