I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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