After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
