But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
